Another Musician Exits the Stage.

Another musician has passed.

I must acknowledge that he was a part of my growing up years.

The sheer number of the work he produced would have been hard to miss.

And now I have another admission, I wasn’t a fan.

He had a wonderful voice and was a talented musician.

I just did not care much for his style, I guess you could say.

Like Michael Jackson, who was an excellent performer, it just wasn’t my cup of tea.

I could jump on the bandwagon and say I actually loved his music  all the time, but that, to me, would be the ultimate in disrespect.

I am sorry for his family and his friends who will miss him.

For his fans he was a light that went out way to soon.

We only knew him from his work; his friends and family will mourn the man and the rest of the world the artist.

Whichever group one falls into, we have to admit he made an impact and that is no small accomplishment.

Feel free to share your thoughts if you were a fan.






Happiness is Fleeting

beautiful girl enjoying the freshness - stock photo


Happiness is fleeting

You cannot trust it

Everyday there is something new

It may bring sadness, it may bring joy

The trick, I think

Is to enjoy those fleeting moments

To recall them when sorrow comes

To realize that saddens passes

And joy returns, eventually

Best to take a few chances

To not be afraid to try

It is in those fleeting moments

We see a glimpse of pure bliss

It makes us greedy for more

So, we try to fake it

And end up miserable

Because we cannot reproduce

The element of surprise

That takes us off guard

And leaves us speechless

In the wake of such happiness

We never thought could be

New Outlook

Beautiful woman face silhouette — Stock Vector © prezent #2547830

I am starting a whole new outlook on life.
I don’t consider it a New Years resolution at all.
I consider it the making of a better me.
This is something I need to do all the year long.
It is harder when you have depression.
Depression likes to lie to you and send self-defeating messages.
Messages that say things like
You’ll never be able to do it
You are not worth doing it
It reminds you of all your past failures
This never works for you, you are pathetic
You always have been and will always be a loser
I have discovered that these thoughts can be cut off at the pass.
I have also discovered there is a point of no return.
What I mean by a point of no return is that once I get to a certain place in my brooding, the depression takes over and I can’t win.
I use to try and fight it after the point was crossed, but I was really fueling it not fighting it.
Once in the depressed state the only weapon you have is guilt and guilt motivated nobody at anytime to make any permanent changes.
I can avoid the brooding if I, like the old timers advice, ‘nip it in the bud.’

When the first thought comes, whether it be panic or just a negative thought about myself, if I am not lazy, I can tell depression that you are lying to me again and I won’t go down that path with you.
I don’t gloss over my mistakes, I acknowledge them, but if they are in the past, then I realize I must leave them there.

If in the present I must think about what I can do to solve those problems.
The concept is self-talk and it does work.
It may sound egotistical, but we really do believe what we tell ourselves a lot more than what others are telling us.
Confident people just accept compliments and reject negatives so they may not understand the concept I am talking about.
Someone cruel says your ugly, you just realize they are full of BS and move on. Never thinking much about it again, because you know that you are a good person, and therefore, not ugly at all.
You tell yourself the truth; only ugly people call other people ugly.

The depressed person is ready to believe any negative heaped on to them and thinks the worst about themselves anyway, so they are already set-up to adopt this.
They tell themselves not once, but many times things like, I am so ugly, if only I could lose weight, be as pretty as her, and so forth and so on.

But, if you can deflect those thoughts as they come in, you may ‘nip it in the bud’
When you hear the depression call your name and say “Rachael, you’ll never be good enough” you can ask yourself, “Good enough for whom?” And tell yourself “I don’t need to impress anyone else.”
This is not a one time deal though, our brains have been programmed by the negative thoughts we allowed to define us so, I won’t lie it is a battle.
If I miss the point of no return I just go with it. I cry if I want to and I try to cope the best I can.
Why? Because fighting it at this point only heaps up more guilt and makes it harder the next time when I am prepared to battle it out.
You can’t take a life time of thought and erase it in one day.
But, you can learn to reprogram those thoughts in time.

Revisiting Daily Writing

I was rereading through some of these posts and I am wondering if it would be beneficial to me to go back to writing out my pain at least every other day if not every day?

I have always hesitated to do a daily blog, because to be frank they bore the hell out of me, mostly. Many are written more like a list of what the person did or their kids did that day.

Perhaps, pain is not what I mean more like emotions, as in, writing out the emotions every day, getting a sense, once again, of who I am and why I am feeling the way I do. Writing is the only way I know how to do that.

I have neglected my writing for some time, covering up much of my sadness by laughing and making jokes. I have spent my time on social media instead of writing.

I have done what I do a lot, run from the feelings, until they overwhelm me and I embrace them like a cruel lover, one from whom I cannot seem to leave off altogether, but that I know is not good for me.

I never seem quite able to break the shackles that bind me to a wall of despair and the sad thing is I voluntarily place myself into those shackles at times.

So, for now, I think I will write everyday, not necessarily publish every day.

What I am Really Thinking

Did you ever have a certain person in your life you wish you could say what you were really thinking to?

I mean like when they ask something like, “Rachael, just why are you so uptight now-a-days”?

I could answer: “Because, I got sick of your bullshit that is why.

I got sick of you trying to bully me and make me feel small.

I got tried of your lies and you spinning every single thing around in a bad attempt to make yourself look good.

I got sick of you thinking that your problems are so much greater than anyone else and nobody in the whole universe could be as misunderstood as you are.”

But, this is not the best way, because they would never see themselves the way we are seeing them.

They are too busy justifying themselves and people who do that have very little insight.

The best we can do is to avoid such persons and keep them out of our lives as much as is possible.

That is what I have done and it is so much more peaceful now.

Not My Hertiage.


I am neither offended nor do I defend the Confederate Flag, but then again I have never been victimized by its biggest supporters: Racist bigots.

I do not understand those who defend it as their heritage?

We are the United States of America, not The Confederate States of America.

This flags heritage has included being flown at KKK rallies, used by neo-nazis and skinheads, and put on a capital building in a certain state as a protest against civil rights.

This is the heritage you want to be proud of?

You want to fly it in your own back yard?
That is one thing and since we live in a free country that is your right…but not on public buildings.
Just as we would not fly a foreign flag on American Government buildings or be okay with the offensive, but legal, Nazi flag flying over public buildings, we should not allow this one to either.

It amazes me that on one hand people will declare (and I agree) that the American Flag is more than just a flag, that it is all so a symbol of our freedom, and then the same people will turn around and say that this flag is only a flag and not a symbol of hate nor a symbol of keeping others oppressed?