Christmas Sadness

 

It is Christmas Morning and a lot of times you see people posting about holiday blues, wishing they had done more during the year, and other guilt inducing reflections.
Why all this sadness?
The thing is we expect, at times, too much.
The happiness of getting ready for Christmas is often more joyous than the day itself.
Once the presents are unwrapped and the dinner consumed it is over.
We look back and wonder why it seemed so disappointing?
Just what were we expecting?
Perhaps, it is, to feel happier today then ordinary days?
To our utter amazement it goes on like most days only there are lights, gifts, a big dinner, and music we never listen to except this time of year.
But, unless we are happy in the little things, the big things usually disappoint us.
I want to be grateful for every day I have on this planet.
Being a depressant this is not easy.
I am not saying that Christmas is not special or holy or whatever happy sign we place on it.
We need our special days, this break from the ordinary, but I think unless we cherish the ordinary along with the special days it is very easy for Christmas to fall short in our eyes.
You cannot squeeze all the happiness into one day, it will always fall flat.

I leave you with words of John Lennon:

“So a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year let’s hope it’s a good one without any tears.”

I Dislike Gossip

sad
Some people believe gossip is harmless, that is, until it is aimed at them.
When I was a teenager I gossiped about another girl close to me; she heard me.
The hurt, pain, and disbelief on her face, stayed with me.
Although, I admit I fail at times, I vowed never to gossip like that again.
If you can’t say it to them it is useless to say it to others.
Nothing positive comes from gossip.
There is no change in the persons life and no growth on the part of the person who has gossiped.
Like I have said, I have not always kept that vow, but I try very hard and when I fail I see the face of that young girl again.
The face still haunts me.

Revisiting Daily Writing

I was rereading through some of these posts and I am wondering if it would be beneficial to me to go back to writing out my pain at least every other day if not every day?

I have always hesitated to do a daily blog, because to be frank they bore the hell out of me, mostly. Many are written more like a list of what the person did or their kids did that day.

Perhaps, pain is not what I mean more like emotions, as in, writing out the emotions every day, getting a sense, once again, of who I am and why I am feeling the way I do. Writing is the only way I know how to do that.

I have neglected my writing for some time, covering up much of my sadness by laughing and making jokes. I have spent my time on social media instead of writing.

I have done what I do a lot, run from the feelings, until they overwhelm me and I embrace them like a cruel lover, one from whom I cannot seem to leave off altogether, but that I know is not good for me.

I never seem quite able to break the shackles that bind me to a wall of despair and the sad thing is I voluntarily place myself into those shackles at times.

So, for now, I think I will write everyday, not necessarily publish every day.