Sad.

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Sad, that is all…

Nothing more and nothing less…

Sad, that is all…

I don’t want you to try and cheer me, it wouldn’t help anyway.

I don’t want you to try and talk me out of it, I know the way I feel.

Sad, that is all…

Nothing more and nothing less…

I would rather have you come and sit quietly besides me.

I would rather have you put your arms around me.

Sad, that is all…

Nothing more and nothing less..

Sad, that is all…

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Crying Bitter Tears.

This poem was inspired by a woman I don’t know. A woman who lost her son when someone shot him one night.

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Crying Bitter Tears.

I would wrap my arms around you if they could reach that far and cry bitter tears with you and rage with you against your loss.
Why do men kill other men? And take away the one who is so loved?
By a sweet and caring mother, who they leave to grieve alone?
So far away what can I do? I cannot even understand your pain; I have my son with me.
I can only hang my head in shame and realize, now at last, what a lucky person that I am.
I have been so selfishly unaware that I have been so truly blessed.
While I have ignored the ones I loved to seek selfish interests and complain about my fate.
I would wrap my arms around you it they could reach that far and cry bitter tears with you and rage against your loss.

Overwhelmed.

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Overwhelmed as I read the stories of pain and despair…
Overwhelmed, not knowing what to say…
Overwhelmed, at hearing my own voice through different people, at different stages of my life.
Angry..why am I so angry?
Helpless-I feel so totally useless.
Hurting-I am hurting for people I don’t even know.Overwhelmed with it all; how can I reach them?
Overwhelmed-is my voice just echoing off a wall?
Overwhelmed with empathy and grief.
Angry at depression!
I hate its lying ways!
It telling us we are not good enough.
Hurting our very souls.

Not That Strong.

I come off as a strong person, but I don’t usually feel that way.
I have heard this echoed by other so-called “strong” people.
I have also heard that if you never ask for anything you never receive anything.
I sometimes think those who seem to have it all together may suffer the most.
They can be bleeding inside, but who notices it?
They cry all night into their pillows, but in the morning they go on pretending everything is fine.
I don’t have an easy time of showing my vulnerable side, I have trust issues due to childhood trauma.
I don’t have and easy time asking for a shoulder to lean on, because so many times, those who were suppose to be there for me weren’t.
I hope this isn’t taken wrong but many of us have experienced a world where most people just don’t give a damn or they just want something from you.
It is hard to open up and say I need a shoulder, too.
But, sometimes I do.
I tend to keep my troubles to myself, but I feel such empathy for others.
I want to help, but am reluctant to take help.
I know that needs to change, just not sure how.

Meaning Nothing.

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These lyrics don’t mean anything

These lyrics are exactly what they appear to be.

These lyrics don’t mean anything

I don’t even have a tune, beside the one that is in my head.

These lyrics don’t mean anything

But, some over zealous philosopher will say that is not so.

These lyrics don’t mean anything

You can choose to ignore that, but it doesn’t change the fact

That these lyrics don’t mean anything.

Fear Of Getting Well.

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I have been going on a forum which has to do with depression and well it is depressing, but as I read the stories it hit me, there is a lot of fear going on here.

Fear of life, fear of making healthy changes, fear of getting well.

What? You  may  say.
And you may argue that, of course, a depressed person wants to get well, are you crazy?
To that, I answer, that the depression has become familiar and it is the real world that scares some of us.

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I have heard  people say that therapy doesn’t help, nobody understands, and I’m not taking any of those drugs.
Therapy can help, but you got to want to be helped.
That is ,I know, a cliché’, but some of them are accurate.
I do understand, I was clinically depressed for 10 years.
I wanted to die and I have attempted to end my life 3 times as I remember.
I do not say just pop a pill and all your problems will magically go away.
I was on an anti-depressant for several years and it did not make anything magically disappear.
For some people medication can really work and  others may need another approach, none of us are cookie-cutter people.
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I don’t mock your pain and I never discount what you are saying.
I know you really do believe it true that things are hopeless,that is what makes me sad, because some of you will not get to know the feeling of recovery.
What scares me,and it is so very hard for me to write, is I know some of you won’t live long enough to know it is possible.
Recovery is not a magic land of happiness and rainbows, it takes work and it doesn’t mean you don’t have bad days.
I wish all the bad days would disappear for us all, but that isn’t reality.
I hope some of you will seek recovery and work through your pain.
And to those who have lost hope, I wish with all my heart that  you will survive just one more day and that you will keep on surviving one day at a time.