Fake Devotion and the Real Me.

Just be yourself. Be true to your authentic self. Don’t be anyone except who you are. Always show the real you. “To thine own self be true”

All this sounds great, but what if you don’t know who the real you is?

I had tried so long to be what I thought others wanted me to be that I did not know who the ‘real’ Rachael was.

I knew the facts.

I was the ninth child in a family of ten.

The seventh daughter and ‘baby’ girl of the family.

I was a sister, niece, daughter, granddaughter, and then later a wife and mom.

But, these are only titles/roles and a great many personalities can fill them.

Trying to live up to what I thought others wanted or expected of me left a void.

A void I try to fill with religious fantasim.

For you who have read my blogs that might be hard to believe.

Don’t get me wrong I am not anti-religion.

I believe that spirituality and religion can give meaning to life and has many times spurred individuals to do many a noble deed.

Religious belief and religious fantasim are two different things, one is devotion and the other is just an act to gain favor with God.

It worshiping the religion and not necessarily the God of that religion.

I am not quite willing to go into all the aspects that this fake devotion took me, but it was not a pleasant place.

And it is no wonder that I was depressed all the time.

The God I envisioned was an angry God, waiting to strike me down, who allowed nothing but what was religious.

So, that meant that most  secular activities, like secular music, certain TV shows, and  certain movies and books were forbidden.

So, if you ever wondered why I seem a little culturally unaware,now you know.

Now, I am discovering the real me and she is a lot more interesting than the fake one, if I am allowed to say so.

She is not as judgmental.

She is more relaxed.

She is less depressed.

She takes interested in many more things and yes, she is not afraid of the secular boogeyman anymore.

 

 

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4 Comments

  1. Boy, do I hear you. I have put in my own time trying to be what I thought I was supposed to be. I am enjoying finding out who I am. My faith is important to me, but I have had to learn that it isn’t important that it is recognized as “true” by the people in my life. (I have a mixed bag of folks to deal with in that arena.) Good luck on your journey!

  2. Rachael, I identify with the whole post, religion included. It takes a lot of sifting to get down to who we are meant to be. I’m so happy that you are on this journey of discovery. It has always amazed me the confidence that comes with each new self revelation. It is wonderful. 😀

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