Changing My Mind.

I have been depressed again and I know that in order to get completely well I have to change my mind. Sounds easy, it isn’t. How do you change what others have said and what you have told yourself about yourself for years?

You are so stupid. What is wrong with you? Can’t you do anything right? Why aren’t you happy? Just shut up. Look at you just lying there, if you’d have more gumption things would get better. You do everything wrong. Nobody loves you. You are useless. Your pain doesn’t matter. Grow up! You are such a baby! No wonder no one likes you. Look at you, you fat pathetic loser, no wonder your husband can’t stand to be with you. No one will ever really care for you. Why don’t you die, everyone would be better off.

How does one shut all that off?

I compare it to a tape-recorder, that keeps playing inside your head.

You want to shut it off, but you can’t find the off switch.

May, I suggest that once conditioned it is almost impossible to shut it off?

That doesn’t mean there is no hope, only that another approach is needed.

May I suggest you don’t need to try and shut it off?

People who try ,usually, do so by self-medicating, over-eating, sleeping around, and many other destructive behaviors trying to tune out that ever playing machine.

The problem is that doesn’t work.

What you need is to re-record over that cassette, you need new and more accurate information.

The list above of negatives is one that most of us, if we are considerate people, would not level at anyone else.

We would think no one deserves that kind of treatment.

We don’t deserve it either.

So treat yourself like the friend you’d like to have.

When the tape recording begins telling you something negative, talk to yourself like you would, if you are trying to convince a friend.

Name your good qualities, point out lies, and tell yourself you are worth loving.

What I mean is when a negative comes along like: “you are so stupid”, refuse to believe that and call it what it is a big fat lie.

List the things you are proud of even if it seems silly, I have nice hair, I am intelligent, I try to be kind to everyone, etc..You try to be nice to everyone?

Is that not a person worth loving? Tell it to yourself.

I am convinced, in time, that I will re-program that cassette with more positives than negatives.

That is, if I continue to tell myself the opposite of what those destructive messages are telling me, then I will successfully re-record that cassette playing in my brain.

I do know that every time I have slipped back into the depressed state it has been because of that damn tape recorder!

So, I need to reprogram that tape, I need to change my mind.

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7 Comments

  1. Hi Rachael. Oh, that sounds so familiar. Girl, you’ve got it right. It does take time and patience… with yourself. But, it’s worth it. It’s like struggling with a bully. Hang in there, before you know it, the tape will be playing a different tune. xxx 🙂

  2. When I get into that state, I use a small diary I have (just a little notebook, really) and I write down what I’ve achieved minus the ‘but’ endings. It turns the negatives to positives. For instance, I might think “I have done a lot today, but I didn’t do it well.” I leave out the ‘but’ and the stuff that follows it. ‘I have done a lot today’ is truthful and all that’s needed. It’s also positive.

    I hope you continue to improve, Rachael. Hugs.

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