I have been quite sad this week, but I cannot lie my finger on exactly why.
I know I’m dissatisfied with my life.
I know I’m tired of being afraid.
This line from a song in a Disney cartoon keeps playing in my head:”I want adventure in the great big somewhere, I want it more than I can tell, but every morning is just the same..”
What is it exactly that this restless heart seeks? I wish I knew.
Fear keeps me from seeking and from defining goals, I realize this, but realizing it is not making me less fearful.
That little voice in my head tells me I’m a failure and should just give up. Tells me I’m not good enough.
I wish it was as easy as ignoring that voice, but it has been a constant companion for too many years. Knowing something intellectually does not always translate to knowing it emotionally.
I have stopped believing that voice, but it still relentlessly bangs at the door, hoping to be let back in and I get weary with the struggle.
I know things will get better they always do. I will get up again, I will face the fears, I will do battle, and I won’t give up.