Restless..

I have been quite sad this week, but I cannot lie my finger on exactly why.

I know I’m dissatisfied with my life.

I know I’m tired of being afraid.

This line from a song in a Disney cartoon keeps playing in my head:”I want adventure in the great big somewhere, I want it more than I can tell, but every morning is just the same..”

What is it exactly that this restless heart seeks?  I wish I knew.

Fear keeps me from seeking and from defining goals, I realize this, but realizing it is not making me less fearful.

That little voice in my head tells me I’m a failure and should just give up. Tells me I’m not good enough.

I wish it was as easy as ignoring that voice, but it has been a constant companion for too many years. Knowing something intellectually does not always translate to knowing it emotionally.

I have stopped believing that voice, but it still relentlessly bangs at the door, hoping to be let back in and I get weary with the struggle.

I know things will get better they always do. I will get up again, I will face the fears, I will do battle, and I won’t give up.

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4 Comments

  1. Oh Rachael…hugs. I totally relate to your post. Fear is one of the hardest emotions to beat. It just seems to latch on and won’t let go. But I have confidence in you, you’ll will shake it off so that it doesn’t have power anymore. You will get there….because you want to. That’s the important thing. Love. 🙂

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