Fears.

A person draws the word Fear and a red circle and slash over it with a red felt marker on a glass board, illustrating the determination to conquer fears and anxieties Stock Photo - 9897442

I may start plugging this blog more.

I have been hesitant to do so.

I have been afraid to do so.

Fear has controlled my actions for so long it is like second nature to me.

Fear of failure and fear of rejection are my two biggest fears.

They have kept me from trying things and from accomplishing goals.

After awhile I had quit trying and quit setting goals.

I have been pushed down and told that I was not smart enough or good enough.

I believed that, too ,for many years.

I was never told what I could do only what I was not capable of.

I do not have a strong stomach for rejection, I take it all too personally.

Rejection, however is a part of life and it is something I have to accept.

I will fail.

I will be misunderstood.

Some people will not like me.

This is the way of things.

I cannot let myself be controlled by my fears.

So, I have resolved to do one thing I am not comfortable doing each week and this week it is plugging this blog.

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Busy week.

sad girl by the river Stock Photo - 11781334

Boy, I haven’t posted here for a while!

I have been busy with school, family, and writing on my other blog.

I entered a writing contest, which brought much traffic to my  funny blog and which kept me busy replying!

I’m very grateful for the attention to my blog.

I should be ecstatic and  part of me is.

But, still I feel down today.

I feel a bit disappointed, I really do not know why.

My moods seem to creep up on me and little things tend to set them off.

I try and fight it , but honestly sometimes it wins, leaving me blue.

The hard part is I know-I know it is not rational.

I really think if I was oblivious, if I believed I had the right to be upset, I would be happier.

I would not have the burden of knowing that my emotions are not rational.

Depression stinks and I will keep fighting it!!

Lost Soul.

This post deals with child abuse,  if it is too sensitive for you, then please do not read.

Sad little girl in black and white Stock Photo - 13115876

An innocent

a child

Spoiled.

An innocent soul

left for dead

no one to comfort her

no one to mourn her.

An evil deed

a shameful deed

hidden

by those

who should defend

the soul of an innocent child.

No restitution

no peace

protect the guilty one

curse the brave ones

who dared

to tell

the tale

of an innocent child.

Nightmares

for the innocent ones

rest for the guilty ones

so unfair

no one cares

for the soul

of an innocent child.

Burden’s shifted

ashamed and neglected

alone with her thoughts

guilt is assigned

to the innocent child.

Silence speaks louder than all the deeds done to the soul of an innocent child.

Last Safe Haven.

This poem deals with child abuse, if it is too sensitive for you please do not read.

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In my mind I told you, I told you a hundred times.

In my mind I ran to you and you dried the tears I cried.

Yes, in my mind you comforted me and told me it would be alright.

In my mind, how safe I was!

For in mind you loved me enough to chase the fiend away.

In my mind I was always safe, for I believed you must love me.

But, dreams are not reality and dreams cannot set you free.

For reality will creep in and expose every secret sin.

It will have its way and shine truth’s harsh light and chase the safe haven away!

At last you were told all about those long ago evil times.

But, you did not try and comfort me, you blamed me as I cried.

I was told that I should forget about the pain,for it was so long ago.

I needed to forgive and I needed to forget.

And so in my mind I wonder if you really loved me at all.

Regrets

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If I could have loved you better regrets would not fill my mind.

If I could have listened better, I may have eased your pain.

All too late! All too late!

You will return no more.

Again, I cry, ” Oh, teach me God, not to let one day go by without telling those I love how much they mean.”

But, then time marches on and I forget my pleas and live to regret again.

No regrets?

Lotus flower isolated on white background  Stock Photo - 11721462

 

What would a life look like that held no regrets?

Would you say that it was lived at all?

Without regrets lessons are seldom learned or if thought about at all are quickly disregarded.

I think regrets are a part of life.

I do not think you can avoid that.

But, you do not have to live there.

Not much you can do about yesterday, but you have control of yourself today.

Today is all you get anyway, who knows what may happen tomorrow.

If you live you life the best you know how you will have fewer regrets, if you constantly compromise who you are the regrets will multiply.

I know I did the last part for too long.

But, I have today and I will choose not live in the past.